a l l i s o n i s m s (C O N T I N U E D)

f o r  p a r e n t s :

• Prepare them with “the plan”

• Say it in SIX words or less

• Allow them to express ALL of their feelings

• Appeal to their drive towards autonomy- Time to say goodbye- Can you help me close the door?

• Give limited choices only when there is one

• Go through the “back door” (rather than be so directive)- Piggy-back ride to the bath?

• Modeling is often the best teacher

• Think about what you want to teach your child in each moment

• If you want to change your child, change YOURSELF!

• Check in with yourself about how you may be intensifying the problem

• REPAIR the moment with your child

• Sometimes the best parenting tool is INATTENTION

• Give positive SPECIFIC praise

• Catch them being “good”

• Tantrums defined: Two ideas in conflict

• Falling apart and putting oneself back together again is an important skill for your child…This is the ‘GIFT' of the tantrum.

• Let the ‘storm’ move through their bodies…model that YOU can tolerate their feelings so that they can learn to tolerate them.

• The most important skills you can help your child learn are: Self-soothing, Delayed Gratification and Frustration Tolerance

• Validate their feelings, and then UNHOOK

• Sleep is a dynamic, EVER-CHANGING process interrupted by development, sickness and travel.

• Hold the frame (when fighting sleep)…structure with flexibility

• Your job is to put the food on the table, their job is decide if, when, and how much they will eat

• Count to 10 before you say “No”.

• What can you say “Yes” to?

• Say “No” even when you can afford to say “Yes”

• Kids need A LOT of YOU

• Let your child FILL UP on YOU (to manage the daily separations and frustrations)

• Carve out “special time” with your children daily

• Create rituals and make memories to foster family relationships

• Enjoy family dinners as an opportunity to share about your day and appreciations of one another

• It is a slow, cumulative integration process

• Expect repetition, repetition, repetition

• Fill up your gas tanks!

• Self-care is one of the most important parenting tools

• Give yourself MARGIN to have room for your child’s pace

• Everything is a PHASE

• A healthy, happy marriage is a gift to your kids

• You are building a foundation…it is a LONG-TERM construction project!

• You are raising adults, not just children

• BREATHE…BREATHE…BREATHE!